HIDING FROM THE BOSS AT WORK PHONE BOOTH You hear the computerized voice tell you... "Press "1" to be enlightened. Press "2" to be empowered. Press "3" to be cleansed. Press "4" to be uplifted. Press "5" to be enriched. Press "6" to be inspired. Press "7" to be moved. Press "8" to be informed. Press "9" to be transmogrified. If you do not have access to a touch tone phone, please remain on the line and an operator will assist you." >press "1" You press "1". You hear a click coming from inside the ceiling of the phone booth as a light turns on. You can see much better now. ------------- Press space bar to continue ----------------- You hear the computerized voice tell you... "Press "1" to be enlightened. Press "2" to be empowered. Press "3" to be cleansed. Press "4" to be uplifted. Press "5" to be enriched. Press "6" to be inspired. Press "7" to be moved. Press "8" to be informed. Press "9" to be transmogrified. If you do not have access to a touch tone phone, please remain on the line and an operator will assist you." >x device The metal device is built into the base of the telephone so that only the front of it is visible. However, the edges of the phone surrounding it have been cut somewhat irregularly. It occurs to you that this device was most likely not a part of the original design of the telephone. Engraved on the device are the words "Kessler-Takamine Drive ". Other writing is engraved on it as well, but it is in Japanese and you can't read it. The metal device has a rectangular drawer about the size of a match box and a lever next to the drawer. You hear the computerized voice tell you... "Press "1" to be enlightened. Press "2" to be empowered. Press "3" to be cleansed. Press "4" to be uplifted. Press "5" to be enriched. Press "6" to be inspired. Press "7" to be moved. Press "8" to be informed. Press "9" to be transmogrified. If you do not have access to a touch tone phone, please remain on the line and an operator will assist you." >press "2" You press "2". A thin rubber rod rises up from the hole in the telephone. On top of the rod is a tiny round battery of the type that might be used in a wristwatch or a camera. You take the battery. The rod descends back into the hole. ------------- Press space bar to continue ----------------- You hear the computerized voice tell you... "Press "1" to be enlightened. Press "3" to be cleansed. Press "4" to be uplifted. Press "5" to be enriched. Press "6" to be inspired. Press "7" to be moved. Press "8" to be informed. Press "9" to be transmogrified. If you do not have access to a touch tone phone, please remain on the line and an operator will assist you." >press "3" You press "3". Hot water sprays down at you from a sprinkler system inside the ceiling of the phone booth. In quick succession the cleansing process moves through the recommended procedure of shampoo, rinse, repeat shampoo, rinse again. Then there is a pause while some clicking sounds come from the ceiling. Since nothing happens, you assume that the phone booth has run out of hair conditioner. A blast of hot air begins to blow down upon you from the ceiling. The hot air lasts for only a short while but it is blowing so hard that you soon find yourself dried completely. You notice that your hair is standing on end and crackling with static electricity. No doubt this is because the phone booth ran out of hair conditioner. ------------- Press space bar to continue ----------------- You hear the computerized voice tell you... "Press "1" to be enlightened. Press "3" to be cleansed. Press "4" to be uplifted. Press "5" to be enriched. Press "6" to be inspired. Press "7" to be moved. Press "8" to be informed. Press "9" to be transmogrified. If you do not have access to a touch tone phone, please remain on the line and an operator will assist you." >press "4" You press "4". You hear the sound of a motor grinding, the door slams closed, and the phone booth suddenly rises upwards very quickly. Then, just as suddenly, the phone booth comes to a screeching halt. The phone booth door opens. PHONE BOOTH, by the upstairs landing You see the upstairs landing to the east. >e You drop the receiver. SECOND FLOOR LANDING To the north is a short hall. Here on the landing you are surrounded by walls in all of the other directions. On the west wall you see a door-sized opening leading to the phone booth. >s There's a wall in the way. >n SHORT HALL On the east wall you see a door, which is currently closed. On the north wall is a glass shelf that appears to have something etched into the glass. To the south is the second floor landing. The west wall has a very strange appearance. The outer edges of the wall look like the other walls here (painted orange), but in the middle of the west wall is a large fuzzy white square that stands a little taller than you are. Your view of the square is somewhat obscured by a large square pillar that stands in front of the wall. >open east door The door is locked. >s SECOND FLOOR LANDING >w PHONE BOOTH, by the upstairs landing You hear the computerized voice tell you (somewhat faintly since the receiver is hanging down on its cord) ... "Press "1" to be enlightened. Press "3" to be cleansed. Press "4" to be uplifted. Press "5" to be enriched. Press "6" to be inspired. Press "7" to be moved. Press "8" to be informed. Press "9" to be returned. If you do not have access to a touch tone phone, please remain on the line and an operator will assist you." >press "9" You pick up the receiver. You press "9". You hear the sound of a motor grinding, the door slams closed, and the phone booth suddenly drops very quickly. Then, just as suddenly, the phone booth comes to a screeching halt. The door opens and you see the kitchen. PHONE BOOTH, in the pantry You see the kitchen to the east. You see Agador-Spartacus in the kitchen. He's sitting down. You hear the computerized voice tell you... "Press "1" to be enlightened. Press "3" to be cleansed. Press "4" to be uplifted. Press "5" to be enriched. Press "6" to be inspired. Press "7" to be moved. Press "8" to be informed. Press "9" to be transmogrified. If you do not have access to a touch tone phone, please remain on the line and an operator will assist you." >press "5" You press "5". A thin rubber rod rises up from the hole in the telephone. Wrapped around the rod is a fifty dollar bill. You take the fifty dollar bill. The rod descends back into the hole. ------------- Press space bar to continue ----------------- You hear the computerized voice tell you... "Press "1" to be enlightened. Press "3" to be cleansed. Press "4" to be uplifted. Press "6" to be inspired. Press "7" to be moved. Press "8" to be informed. Press "9" to be transmogrified. If you do not have access to a touch tone phone, please remain on the line and an operator will assist you." >press "6" You press "6". The telephone voice speaks again: "Today's inspiring message is brought to you by the Holistic Studies Institute, which asks you to ponder the following profound question. How many metaphysicists does it take to change an inspirational quote into a light bulb joke? The answer of course is fifteen: Two with the wisdom to stop topologists from dunking coffee cups into their doughnuts, three with the serenity to recharge all of the world's lightbulbs through transcendental meditation, four with the patience to put all of the brightly colored machine tools back into the Klein bottle, five with sufficient martial arts skills to keep the surrealists away from the bathtub, and one with the courage to explain it all to the giraffe." ------------- Press space bar to continue ----------------- You hear the computerized voice tell you... "Press "1" to be enlightened. Press "3" to be cleansed. Press "4" to be uplifted. Press "7" to be moved. Press "8" to be informed. Press "9" to be transmogrified. If you do not have access to a touch tone phone, please remain on the line and an operator will assist you." >press "8" You press "8". The telephone voice speaks again: "Today's informational message is a first-aid tidbit regarding treatment of jellyfish stings. First and foremost, do not touch the jellyfish with your hands or fingers. Nevertheless, it is important to make sure that the jellyfish is completely removed from the skin as soon as possible. The application of a slightly acidic liquid such as vinegar is also advised. One traditional folk remedy, disputed by some medical professionals, holds that an acceptable treatment for a jellyfish sting would be to piss on it. The popular opinion seems to be that the likelihood of obtaining a beneficial effect from this treatment is higher than the probability that anyone will happen to have a bottle of vinegar nearby when someone is stung by a jellyfish." ------------- Press space bar to continue ----------------- You hear the computerized voice tell you... "Press "1" to be enlightened. Press "3" to be cleansed. Press "4" to be uplifted. Press "7" to be moved. Press "9" to be transmogrified. If you do not have access to a touch tone phone, please remain on the line and an operator will assist you." >press "7" You press "7". The computerized voice goes on to tell you "Please specify the destination to which you would like to be moved... Press "1" to go to the zoo. Press "2" to go to the beach. Press "3" to go to work. Press "4" to go to the store. Press "5" to go to the veterinarian's office. Press "6" to visit Mom. All other options will return you to the main menu. Please be advised that the previously mentioned destinations can be reached only through the Phantom Phone Booth object-oriented navigational system." >save Saved. >press "3" You press "3". You hear the sound of a motor grinding, the door slams closed, and the phone booth suddenly rises upwards very quickly. It passes the upstairs landing and goes through the roof, flying high into the air. The telephone voice tells you, "Estimated travel time for this ten mile trip is five minutes, using standard travel speed." The phone booth flies south. After about five minutes of flying you see some sort of parking structure below. The phone booth enters the parking structure and travels to an underground level before landing. The phone booth door pops open. PHONE BOOTH, in the Employee Parking Area You see the Employee Parking Area to the east. >e You drop the receiver. EMPLOYEE PARKING AREA You're in the Employee Parking Area, which is inside of a parking structure that is mostly underground. To the west you see the phone booth, which is parked in one of empty parking spots. You don't see any people here. The entrance to the building complex lies in the distance to the north. >n You start to walk northwards, but a small vehicle suddenly drives up to you and blocks your way. It looks something like a golf cart without a driver, sort of an automated robotic machine. You try to walk around the robot cart, but it moves sideways to prevent you from getting past it. Then the cart scans you from head to toe with a bar of white light, pausing for a moment as it reaches the security badge that you're wearing. An atonal mechanical voice coming from the cart greets you, saying "Welcome, Martin Kessler". With a sigh of relief you realize that the cart is either not equipped with face recognition capabilities or else they don't work properly. You don't look anything like Martin! It occurs to you that Martin himself might be involved in the development of visual identification techniques. You seem to remember him mentioning a project that involved optical devices, but you had just assumed that he meant something like military helmets to see in the dark or to look around corners. ------------- Press space bar to continue ----------------- The voice of the robot cart continues, "Please board the security vehicle so that you may be escorted onto the building premises and delivered to your authorized work area." You get on the cart and a seatbelt fastens itself automatically across you. The cart begins to move. It takes you through gates, doorways, tunnels, and passages. Then the cart drives down a particularly long hallway heading north. You drive past a young man in a white lab coat, whose employee badge declares him to be Phouthavong Bochandilay, Department 9-C, Research and Development Technician, Level II. The man looks at your badge and gets a worried, puzzled expression on his face. The cart continues past him, and you can only hope that he won't report you for being in the building under false pretenses. The robot cart stops at the end of the hallway. The seatbelt releases, and you get off the cart. Then the cart turns around and heads back down the hallway, disappearing from sight. NORTH END OF THE LONG HALLWAY To the north is a closed door marked 15-G. A long hallway leads south. >open door The door marked 15-G squeaks as you open it. >n DEPARTMENT RECEPTION AREA Mellow elevator music is playing here in the reception area. The receptionist is sitting at the desk. She's an elderly woman with a friendly face. The receptionist takes a hearing aid out of her ear. She taps it on the desk a few times and put it back in her ear. But judging from the frown on her face, the hearing aid is still not working. Giving up, she puts the hearing aid away in the handbag that she has stowed under her desk. On the desk is fishbowl. The fish bowl contains a tiny fish that is no bigger that a guppy, with mouth flaps that look like a mustache. Its coloring is an intricate pattern of white, red, and blue. The fish doesn't seem to be particularly healthy; it's not moving around very much. You see three closed doors here, an east door, a north door, and a west door. The south door is open. "Hello," says the receptionist. >say "Your fish looks sick" to receptionist You say "Your fish looks sick" to the receptionist. "Fitch? I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, Mr. Fitch. I'm Mrs. McGillicuddy," the receptionist says. "Would you like some coffee? There's a fresh pot in the coffee room," the receptionist tells you, gesturing to the north door. "Just help yourself anytime. There's a special mug next to the pot just for visitors." >give battery to receptionist "Oh, thank you so much," Mrs. McGillicuddy gushes. "That's exactly what I need for my hearing aid." She fumbles around in her handbag and brings out a very small flathead screwdriver, which she puts into your hand. She looks in the handbag a second time and pulls out her hearing aid, which she also gives to you. "Would you put the battery in for me please?" she asks. But when you try to open the hearing aid with the screwdriver, you discover that the hearing aid needs a Phillips screwdriver, not a flathead. You explain the problem to Mrs. McGillicuddy. "That's all right, dear," she says, patting your hand. "I'll just wait until you find the right kind of screwdriver. And don't you worry if I'm not here when you get back. If Mr. Pendergast allows me some time off this afternoon I'll be taking my fish to the veterinarian. But I'm quite certain that we'll get this battery replaced sooner or later!" Mrs. McGillicuddy takes the hearing aid and the battery and puts them into her handbag, leaving you with the small flathead screwdriver. ------------- Press space bar to continue ----------------- "You really should try the coffee," Mrs. McGillicuddy says. "I always use those special coffee filters made from eggshells, they make them in Sweden or Copenhagen, I think. One of those places where it's very cold and they need to drink a lot of coffee all the time. Ordinary coffee filters can sometimes make the coffee taste bitter, don't you think?" Mrs. McGillicuddy pratters on. "Wait, no, I don't think it's Sweden. Maybe it's that city in Iceland that has too many consonants? My late husband always used to say that consonants were the only letters left over in Iceland after most of the vowels got used in Finland. It's all the fault of the League of Nations, of course. They ought to have saved some vowels for the people who really need them." The east door opens, and Mr. Pendergast comes out. Mr. Pendergast is an unpleasant-looking man with narrowed eyes and pursed lips. The effect of his expensive-looking three-piece suit is undermined by a badly considered toupe. ------------- Press space bar to continue ----------------- "Mrs. McGillicuddy, who is this person?" Mr. Pendergast snaps at the receptionist. "Why is he wearing somebody else's security badge?" "This is Mr. Fitch." Mrs. McGillicuddy tells him. "I don't like the looks of this Mr. Fitch," Mr. Pendergast says with a suspicious look in his eye. "Fish?" Mrs. McGillicudy inquires. "That reminds me, Mr. Pendergast. May I have a few hours off this afternoon to take my fish to the veterinarian? I'm sure you could do without me for a little while. Things don't seem terribly busy today." "Not busy?" Mr Pendergast snaps. "With intruders poking around the office like this? What the hell are you talking about?" he shouts. Mrs. McGillicuddy is clearly quite offended. Straightening her shoulders, she attempts to speak in a restrained manner, her voice almost lethally subdued. "Mr. Pendergast, as a lady of advanced years I cannot countenance the use of such language in my presence. I insist that you apologize." ------------- Press space bar to continue ----------------- Mr Pendergast's face is as red as a beet. Apparently he is not used to anyone speaking to him in such a manner, and for a moment he is speechless. But unfortunately that moment doesn't last very long. When Mr. Pendergast speaks again, his voice drips with sarcasm. "I certainly am sorry, Mrs. McGillicuddy," he says through clenched teeth, his anger growing as he speaks. "I'm sorry that I ever hired you in the first place! I'm sorry that I didn't fire you last week so that I wouldn't have to go to all the trouble of firing you again today! Now take your things and get out!" Mrs. McGillicuddy gasps in shock. Then, with quiet dignity, she collects her handbag, hat, and umbrella from under the desk and stands up. She puts on her hat and pushes in a hairpin to keep it in place, using a bit more force than is absolutely necessary. Then Mrs. McGillicuddy takes the fish bowl in her arms and tells Mr. Pendergast, "I shall seek employment elsewhere." Before leaving the office she steps north into the coffee room just long enough to spill out the coffee. On her way out she whispers to you, "Tell him to make his own damned coffee." Mrs. McGillicuddy leaves the office and a security cart takes her away. You notice that she left the coffee room door open. While this is all going on, you take off Martin's badge in the hopes that Mr. Pendergast will forget to confiscate it. ------------- Press space bar to continue ----------------- Now Mr. Pendergast turns his attention in your direction. "What are you looking at!" he snaps at you. Mr. Pendergast pushes a button to call a security cart. He takes you into the hallway and forces you onto the cart. "And don't come back!" Mr. Pendergast barks. He returns into the reception area and slams the door behind him. A seatbelt fastens itself automatically across you, and the cart takes you back down the long hallway. The security cart takes you through the same passages, tunnels, doorways, and gates that you saw on the way in. It stops in the Employee Parking Area near the phone booth. The seat belt releases and you get off the cart. The cart then drives away and disappears from sight. EMPLOYEE PARKING AREA You're in the Employee Parking Area, which is inside of a parking structure that is mostly underground. To the west you see the phone booth, which is parked in one of empty parking spots. You don't see any people here. The entrance to the building complex lies in the distance to the north. >n You start to walk northwards, but a small vehicle suddenly drives up to you and blocks your way. Then the cart scans you from head to toe with a bar of white light. An atonal mechanical voice coming from the cart tells you that you must be wearing an SED Limited security badge in order to enter the building premises. You put on the badge. The cart scans you again, this time pausing as it reaches the security badge. Then the voice of the robot cart greets you, saying "Welcome, Martin Kessler". ------------- Press space bar to continue ----------------- The voice of the robot cart continues, "Please board the security vehicle so that you may be escorted onto the building premises and delivered to your authorized work area." You get on the cart and a seatbelt fastens itself automatically across you. The cart begins to move. It takes you through gates, doorways, tunnels, and passages. Then the cart drives down a particularly long hallway heading north. The robot cart stops at the end of the hallway. The seatbelt releases, and you get off the cart. Then the cart turns around and heads back down the hallway, disappearing from sight. NORTH END OF THE LONG HALLWAY To the north is a closed door marked 15-G. A long hallway leads south. >open door The door marked 15-G squeaks as you open it. >n DEPARTMENT RECEPTION AREA Mellow elevator music is playing here in the reception area. There's no one sitting at the desk. The fishbowl is gone too. The east door is closed. The north door is open. The west door is closed. The south door is open. >n COFFEE ROOM There's a mug on the counter next to the coffee pot. It occurs to you that this must be coffee made by Mr. Pendergast. You wonder how it will taste. A memo is posted on the wall. The door to the reception area is open. You look through it nervously, hoping that Mr. Pendergast won't see that you're in here. >close door The door is now closed. You hear a door opening and the sounds of someone moving around in the reception area. >read memo The memo reads: "All employees are forbidden to remove tools from the department premises. Violators will be subject to immediate termination." You hear a squeaky door closing. Someone is still moving around in the reception area. >take mug You take the mug off of the counter. You hear another door closing. Then all is quiet. >open door The door is now open.