GETTING TO THE ZOO >e OUTSIDE THE BACK DOOR To the west is an archway containing a stone door, which is currently open. To the east you see a thick patch of thorny bushes. A flagstone path leads north towards the back of the house and south towards the front of the house. However, the thorny bushes have become so overgrown here that travel along the flagstone path is blocked to the south. You see Agador-Spartacus in the kitchen. He's lying down. >n BY THE RASPBERRY BUSH There is a raspberry bush here. To the west you see a trellis leaning against the wall of the house. To the east and north you see a thick patch of thorny bushes. There is a flagstone path leading south towards the front of the house. You could also go northwest, slipping around the back corner of the house. You think you hear some chittering sounds coming from the general direction of the raspberry bush. >x bush The raspberry bush is the type of bush that bears fruit during summer and fall. On this spring day you find no raspberries. As you look at the raspberry bush, you see two squirrels inside the thorny bushes to the east, quite close to the raspberry bush. They are so busy chittering away to each other that they don't see you looking at them. You don't know what the squirrels are saying to each other, but you imagine that they're telling each other knock-knock jokes. Then the squirrels notice you. They run deep into the bushes where you can't see or hear them anymore, and you're left thinking about knocking. >x trellis The trellis looks quite sturdy. It goes all the way up to the top of the wall, where you see a black dome. Nothing is currently growing on the trellis. >s OUTSIDE THE BACK DOOR >w KITCHEN You see an envelope, a large stack of catalogs, a phone bill, a gold key, "The Bedtime Story Book", "The Boy Who Had No Words", a yellow feather, a small phone book, a short blue sock, a long black sock, a handwritten note, and a bath robe here. >w PHONE BOOTH, in the pantry You hear the computerized voice tell you (somewhat faintly since the receiver is hanging down on its cord) ... "Press "1" to be enlightened. Press "3" to be cleansed. Press "4" to be uplifted. Press "7" to be moved. Press "9" to be transmogrified. If you do not have access to a touch tone phone, please remain on the line and an operator will assist you." >press "4" You pick up the receiver. You press "4". You hear the sound of a motor grinding, the door slams closed, and the phone booth suddenly rises upwards very quickly. Then, just as suddenly, the phone booth comes to a screeching halt. The phone booth door opens. PHONE BOOTH, by the upstairs landing You see the upstairs landing to the east. >e You drop the receiver. SECOND FLOOR LANDING >n SHORT HALL You think you hear someone moving around behind the east door. >knock on east door You knock on the door. Suddenly the door opens, and five penguins run out of the door. You see something shiny as the last penguin closes the door and locks it behind him. The penguins move amazingly quickly despite their waddling, and they are soon gone from your sight. Looks like they were heading for the phone booth. >s SECOND FLOOR LANDING >w You manage to squeeze inside the phone booth even though the phone booth is already occupied by five penguins. PHONE BOOTH, by the upstairs landing You hear the computerized voice tell you (somewhat faintly since the receiver is hanging down on its cord) ... "Press "1" to be enlightened. Press "3" to be cleansed. Press "4" to be uplifted. Press "7" to be moved. Press "9" to be returned. If you do not have access to a touch tone phone, please remain on the line and an operator will assist you." >press "7" You pick up the receiver. You press "7". The computerized voice goes on to tell you "Please specify the destination to which you would like to be moved... Press "1" to go to the zoo. Press "2" to go to the beach. Press "3" to go to work. Press "4" to go to the store. Press "5" to go to the veterinarian's office. Press "6" to visit Mom. All other options will return you to the main menu. Please be advised that the previously mentioned destinations can be reached only through the Phantom Phone Booth object-oriented navigational system." >press "1" You press "1". You hear the sound of a motor grinding, the door slams closed, and the phone booth suddenly rises upwards very quickly. It goes through the roof, flying high into the air. The telephone voice tells you, "Estimated travel time for this twenty mile trip is ten minutes, using standard travel speed." The phone booth flies northeast. After about two minutes of flying it sets itself down. The phone booth door pops open. PHONE BOOTH, at the zoo entrance You see the zoo entrance to the east. >e You drop the receiver. ZOO ENTRANCE Looking at the large map installed at the zoo entrance, you can see that all of the exhibits must be reached from the center of the zoo, which is directly east of here. You are currently at the zoo entrance, which is on the west side of the zoo. The center of the zoo is to the east. The phone booth is to the west. The penguins are standing next to you. The zoo seems oddly empty. Everything looks stark and surreal. It's almost as if you'd stepped into a small avante garde theatre, only to realize that you are the only actor and that you haven't got a clue as to what your lines are supposed to be or what you're supposed to be doing. With sudden inspiration, you decide that you will make your performance into an artsy political statement on the subject of minimalism. How absurdly brilliant! Now you can just stare at the audience and make them feel uncomfortable until they feel the need to spout random nonsense in order to fill the void. Suddenly you find yourself feeling a bit silly because of the direction in which your thoughts have taken you. This isn't a theatre, you tell yourself. It's just a zoo, right? You can't imagine why everything seems sort of fictional here.